I’ve been dreaming a lot lately, more so than I have in a long time. I’ve been dreaming all sorts of things too. Everything from success dreams, where I’m living a rich man’s life to disturbing, not exactly nightmares, which become luggage for my day and have me feeling somewhat out of sorts.
I think I know why I am dreaming more than normal, although it is much too private to discuss here. But I do feel like I’m opening up something I’ve had closed for quite some time. One of the positive results is I’m feeling much more creative. I’m not saying I haven’t been creative at all, but in the last month or so, I’ve been having so many creative ideas, it has been a struggle to concentrate on just one. Musically, I’ve written about 30 new pieces of music in the last few weeks while on the writing side, I’ve had lots of great ideas for short stories, lyrics and poems, many of which I’ve started but have yet to complete.
Creativity is such a funny thing. I’ve been wondering whether my well had final dried up, given that up until four or five years ago, my creativity had always been particularly high. For instance, in the last band I was in, I was writing between three and five new songs a week, until I had to stop because the rest of the band couldn’t keep up. So I recorded everything onto 4-track cassette. I’ve got about 200 90 minutes cassettes stored away and absolutely brimming with ideas. I’ve also got note pads, exercise books, typed sheets and scraps of paper tucked away in boxes with lots of different lyrics and story ideas.
But in the last few years I was thinking I was going for quality not quantity. The change has been staggering, literally. There are some days when I’ve been walking home when I’ve had to stop and write down the ideas as they’ve come to me for fear of forgetting them. I feel rejuvenated. I feel like my muse has not just come around, but she has bought a bunch of friends and they’re treating me like a dartboard, throwing as many ideas at me as they can. My ‘crap’ filter is working overtime, trying to weed out the small scores from the bullseyes. It is fun, exciting and constantly surprising. Kiss me, my muse, for your sweet inspirations are honey to my lips…
_____________________________________________
I overheard a conversation on the bus, while on my way to work. I had been feeling a little bit out of sorts. I think it might have been the birthday blues. I would never have thought I would start feeling a little down because of another birthday. I was thinking that once a person reaches a certain age, it should be called a ‘commiseration’ instead of a celebration
But back to the conversation I overheard. It was between two young, pretty girls (they could have been as young as 16 or as old as 20. I’m finding it increasingly hard to tell the difference). They were the sort of girls who make young men suck in their stomaches, poke their chests out and flex their biceps. The girls were talking about love and relationships, sounding all sweet and innocent and making statements like ‘they’re so in love with each other, they’ll never break up’ and other such sentiments. I couldn’t help laughing to myself, initially.
When you are 17 and in love, of course your love going to last forever because, as far as you’re concerned, you going to live forever. When you’re 17, you’re indestructible, invincible and totally right all the time. It is only as you get older you start to doubt yourself, you start to become cynical, you have your heart broken, your dreams shattered, your life threatened. I never thought I’d be thinking those things, let alone writing them. I always thought in such grandiose, romantic statements myself. And now here I was, scoffing quietly to myself upon hearing a couple of young women talking that way. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that listening in to these young women was exactly the tonic I needed. I guess we all need to be reminded sometimes that love and happiness is available for any of us, no matter how young or old we are. There is no use by date or age restrictions imposed on feeling loved, being in love and so happy you want to let the world know. I got off the bus feeling much better.
_____________________________________________
My birthday passed without me feeling any more of the pre-birthday blues I’d been feeling. I had last Friday off, which was like a bit of a treat to myself for my birthday. I had to pick up my parents from the train station, who were coming up to visit for the weekend. Toni and I hadn’t seen them for well over 12 months and were looking forward to having them stay for a few days. I don’t know who said it, but I remember the following: as an adult, you should never spend more than three days with your parents in a row. Unfortunately, my parents were staying for four. Thankfully, I had to come to work today but it meant my poor wife would be spending the day with them. Don’t mistake me; I love my parents and get on very well with them, as does Toni. But no matter how old a person is, the parent-child dynamic is always there, inescapable and barely controllable. By yesterday afternoon (Sunday – Australian time), I was really starting to feel it. Toni said she noticed how I changed whenever my parents were around. She said I acted more on edge. I must admit I was feeling somewhat tense but thought it was just because I was tired. But I know better than to argue with my wife because most of the time, damn it all, she is right.
On Friday, I also went to get the birthday present my darling wife got for me; a new tattoo. The tattoo studio I went to is called Mischief Moon. It was recommended to me by a friend and I was not disappointed. I couldn’t write a better character than the tattooist who did my work. He owns the shop, has been there for about 14 years and is seriously named Happy. He is about the same age as me, I guess and the nicest bloke you could ever hope to meet. Unlike every other tattooist I’ve been to, he took the time to explain everything carefully to me, show me the sealed needles and sterilised surrounds, the ink pot he was using and exactly how he would be approaching my work. I’ve already got a number of tattoos so I knew what I was in for however, he put me completely at ease. To cap it off, he had such a good touch with the needle, I won’t be going to anybody else again. The tattoo itself came out so much better than I expected. I will post a picture of it once it has completely healed.
Friday night was also a great night. My band played their fourth show, supporting a great reggae cross funk band called The Sniffer Dogs. We played the show without our DJ, who is currently in Germany (he was at the Australia/Croatia game and said he doesn’t remember a great deal after the match except for drinking a huge amount and partying in the streets – lucky bugger). Anyway, we played as a three piece, using a laptop with some backing tracks and the sequencer I use in the studio for some others. The show went very well and we had a great night. We even made some money, which is always a good thing.
_____________________________________________
Finally, I’d just like to take the time to thank ForeverSerenity for putting up the birthday piece for me. I really do appreciate it. She should be voted the sweetest person on JU for doing this and has my vote already. I would also like to thank those who wished me a happy birthday. You guys and gals make a bloke feel very special and it does my heart good.