Take a number and wait until you're called.
Time to reveal something...
Published on February 6, 2007 By dynamaso In Blogging
Recently, I have been thinking about how long it has been since I started at JoeUser. I went to check out my account details and saw I have been here since the 27th of September, 2005. I also saw I have a whole lot more points than I thought I would (currently 68728). For someone who has never been concerned with the points system, this came as a real pleasant surprise. The other big piece of information I found while trawling around is my current ranking. I’m currently at Number 38. I don’t know if this is as high as I’ve ever got, but it certainly was another big surprise. I’m not quite sure how many active users JoeUser currently has, but I’m very pleased to think I’m up there with some of the big names and some of my favourites on JoeUser.

All this thinking I was doing, unusually, was because I saw the this article would be my 150th. I decided I didn’t want to let the moment slip by with a rant or a story or a ramble. I didn’t want it to be something about the band or about Toni or about Pumpkin. I wanted it to be regarding something significant (not that any of the previous aren’t significant, of course). But I’m sure you get my drift. I wanted it to be very personal. I wanted to share something I hadn’t shared before.

I feel so close to a number of you, which is why I started to feel like I’ve not been completely honest. Okay, I’ve not lied about anything but I’ve chosen not to reveal something about me for fear of having a number of you think less of me because of it. I think so much of a number of my JU friends, I refer to them as my online family and I would hate to let down or disappoint a good number of you. Let me offer this caveat before I go any further: not all of you are in my sidebar favourites list, mainly because I haven’t updated it. I think if I did, it would be considerably larger.

Earlier this year, I posted a rambling blog which included a rather cryptic mention about me undertaking to change a habit I’d had for the last 13 odd years. I am pleased to say I feel I’m clear of this bad habit now and am feeling much better for it.

Here goes: I had been smoking marijuana every single day, without fail, for the last 13 years. There, my big secret is out. I think I might have surprised a few of you and I’m sure others are probably saying ‘yeah, so, what is he going on about?” I decided at the end of last year I was going to clean up my act. And I have. It wasn’t a money issue, it wasn’t a health issue but rather a stuckedness, to use a phrase one of my closest JU friends introduced to me (thanks Shovel). I have never been one for not moving forward but I felt my habit had been one of the very few things I’d started not liking about myself yet was loathe to stop because there were moments when I really like being stoned.

Over the previous years as a smoker, I've also been a grower and a dealer. I'm not telling you because I'm proud, I'm just filling in the details for you. None of these activities have been in huge quantities and it was mainly to feed my own habit. But I didn't have the temperament to be a dealer nor the patience to be a grower. I was a smoker, pure and simple. I saw pot as ‘the alcohol for those who don’t drink’. But it was a bad daily habit. To use the alcohol analogy again, if I was drinking everyday for the last 13 years, I would definitely be considered and alcoholic. And despite what anyone thinks, it is as bad as smoking cigarettes, which I’ve been doing for longer and particularly when I used cigarettes to ‘mull’ up the pot. Cigarettes will be next to go, believe me, but I decided I could only do one at a time.

The thing about it is I don’t feel any different. I started smoking pot when I was an adult (by this I mean I was in my late 20’s). And I believe it is this one thing that has probably saved me from a lot of the symptomatic behaviour of a typical long-term smoker. My memory is still fine, I don’t have any problems sleeping, I don’t suffer paranoid delusions and I certainly don’t feel depressed because I’m no longer smoking. The bottom line is I feeling fine, I’m doing fine and I can’t understand now why I was stuck in the abuse cycle for so long. As I said earlier, I enjoyed getting stoned but after so long as a daily habit, I just started to wonder what it was all about.

In giving it away, I employed no tricks, no replacement therapies, no stand-ins or navel-gazing axioms to quit. I simply rolled the last spliff’s worth of pot in my stash, smoked it and didn’t buy any more. That was a nearly a month ago now. Sure, it has only been a month, but I already feel confident in saying the daily habit has gone for good.

I’ve been completely honest with myself about this. I am not going to say I will never smoke pot again. In fact, I’ll go even further to say I probably will smoke it again at some point in the future. To use the alcohol analogy for the third time, I have a drink maybe once every couple of weeks. Sometimes I go for weeks without a drop of alcohol passing my lips. Most times when I drink, I only have a few before I’ve had enough. Sure, there are the very rare occasions when I tie one on. I really enjoy these times too, but I never go overboard. Hell, I’m a responsible adult who is very aware of his limits. This is how I’d like to treat my use of pot. An occasional spliff with friends or a nice smoke before a quiet evening watching a good DVD. These are the moments when I enjoy having a smoke, moments when I'm not expected to do anything but chill out.

I just don’t need it daily in my life anymore.

I hope I haven’t shocked any one here enough that they won’t talk to me again. But as I said earlier, I think of some of you as my family. You have earned the right to know this about me. For anyone who can’t deal with it, well I’m sorry. No hard feelings.

Comments (Page 2)
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on Feb 07, 2007
You're still a stud, plain and simple.


I agree!

Nothing's changed here, my friend. I've always had great respect and admiration for you, and I'm sure that anything you throw at me will follow the same line.

150! Yeehaw!!!!
on Feb 07, 2007
Doc,

I think most of us on JU know we are mere mortals


I'm acutely aware of my own foibles. But I think it has come the time where I define my habits, not the other way round. Again, thanks for your support, mate.

Kelly,

congratulations on doing what you said you would do


Thanks very much. As I said in the article, I simply decided I was going to do it and did. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. I expected, at least, to be a cranky bastard for some time. I even warned Toni to not take anything I said too seriously. But the transistion was relatively painless, apart from a few restless nights.

That in and of itself is a big deal


I appreciate exactly what you're saying. I've surprised myself, to be quite honest. Your kind words only strengthen my resolve.

Face it we love you here. Even if you don't want it


Ah, well, erm... Again, I really don't know what to say except back at ya, Kelly. And that I'll take the love where ever I can get it. Thank you for your wonderful support and friendship. Like Shovel, you are a constant source of inspiration and one of the bit reasons I keep coming back here.

Serenity,

congrats on making such a difficult decision. Difficult because habits, especially ones that makes you feel good, are hard to break


The decision to stop wasn't difficult. I think I made it some time ago but it was actually putting it into practice. I was concerned about the adverse affects it might have on me and on those around me. But as I said to Kelly, it was actually a lot easier than I had anticipated. It was because I still enjoyed it, even on a daily basis, that made it difficult to actually commit and stop.

I DON'T THINK LESS OF YOU

Again, I had no doubt your opinion of me would not waiver. You are such a wonderful, passionate and beautiful person, I just KNEW you'd support me, no matter what I revealed. You were one of the first people to welcome me to Joe User, if not THE first (it wouldn't surprise me, given your generous spirit) and you've not stopped being welcoming, accomodating and supportive. Thank you so much for this.

lots of love and lots of respect and that doesn't change at all! I like to think of you as family as well, my honorary little brother


I feel honoured that you think of me this way, Donna. And you do me huge favours calling me your 'younger' brother, given my age. But hey, I'm never back away from a well-intended compliment. Thank you very much indeed.

I am pleased to hear about your younger brother making the same change. The pot-smoking, Rastafarian Jamaican is another stereotype I'm sure only applies to a small percentage of the population. I don't think the occasional joint is any worse for you than the occasional cigar and certainly not in the same league as most other drugs.

I'm very, very happy you here, very, very happy that you're my friend and very, very, happy that you made the decision you did for you


Thank YOU, sweet lady. It is an absolute pleasure to call you my friend and even more so having you call me yours.

Whip,

Let's see a photo of that belly-button now


Complete with lint? Trust me, it would NOT be a pleasant site. The washboard stomach I always wanted is still sitting in a box under my bed, along with the 'roundtoit' I've yet to put to good use.

Cacto,

it would be a bigger surprise if an Australian artist wasn't a regular user of something mildly illegal


Mate, you are so right. When I was a music journalist, some of the 'stories' I heard but couldn't write about some of the biggest names in Aussie music were so funny in their excess, I think a lot of people would find them hard to believe.

it's always good to kick a habit


Especially an unhealthy habit. I gotta say here the other thing that is pleasing is the little bit of extra cash it puts in my pocket. It was never a consideration for giving it away, but it IS an added bonus.

Here's to another 150 articles


Thanks mate and here's to you too.
on Feb 07, 2007
Tova,

It was very touching to read, and seems you wrote from the heart.


I really don't know any other way to write. I'm glad you think so and even more pleased you notice.

I'm proud of you. I don't say that from a lofty position. I say it because you are achieving something you set out to do. Killing a habit is like slaying a dragon. It takes a little blood, sweat, and tears, and in the end when you think you've got it beat, it still might roast your ass.

Anyone who looks at their dragon and says "Bring it," has my utmost respect. Win or lose.


Thank you very much. You have no idea how much it means to me to have you say this. While it wasn't a massively life threatening habit, or one that was ruining relationships and such, it still was a habit and I had to break it. The dragon analogy is so typical of you. I really like it except I think in my case, it was more likely Puff the Magic Dragon than one of those massive beasties who breath fire at heros in armour and kidnap damsels.

This article adds another piece to the person I am getting to know via JU.


I am so pleased we've become friends. You are one of my new favourite people here, Tova and I only see our friendship growing. Thanks for your support.

Nic,

Nothing's changed here, my friend. I've always had great respect and admiration for you, and I'm sure that anything you throw at me will follow the same line.


Back at you, babe. You're another one of those people I feel blessed to have gotten to know here. I am often in awe of your talent as both a mother and a writer. Like Serenity, you were also one of the first people to really give me a go and make me feel welcome here. Thank you for that and for your continued support. You're a gem...
on Feb 08, 2007
As usual, when I want to answer a blog like this, I have a lot of thoughts going through my head, but no ability to write it down.

There are so many great things already said I think it might sound like I'm only repeating what others wrote(which has made me NOT answer some articles).

I will just express what first popped into my head.

I DO NOT think any less of you after reading your article. If anything, I think more of you. Reading other articles and posts from you I find you to be a genuine good guy. On top of that you are a talented writer and musician, but the thing I like about you the most is your self-awareness about yourself and your ability to improve on your faults.

It seems like your relationship with Toni has made you both better people and you're writing music better than ever. I'm not surprised at all you quit smoking pot. It's not a priority anymore, though I never thought pot was bad at all.

If anyone read your revealing article and had doubts about continuing a friendship with you then it would be their loss. Whether you quit smoking pot or not, I'm proud to call you my friend.
on Feb 08, 2007
Chris,

I find you to be a genuine good guy


Back at you, mate. I am really pleased to call you and your better half friends. As I said to others above, I can't really express what you guys mean to me. Thanks for your kind words and support.

The thing I"ve noticed about you, as proved with your astute observation...

your relationship with Toni has made you both people


...is right on the money. Not only is Toni my best friend, she is also my greatest fan and biggest supporter. Every thing she does for me, she does out of love. And a man can't ask for anything greater or richer than this in his life. The fact you have seen this doesn't surprise me, mate. That you express it humbles me and makes me even more aware of just how good I've got it. I get the same feeling about you and Rose. You guys rock big time.

For the sake of repeating myself, you guys are one of the big reasons why I keep coming back here. I plan to spend time with you guys in the future, one way or the other. As I said to Shovel, when this happens, it will be memorable indeed.
on Feb 08, 2007
Reading other articles and posts from you I find you to be a genuine good guy. On top of that you are a talented writer and musician, but the thing I like about you the most is your self-awareness about yourself and your ability to improve on your faults.


I think UDigIt showed LOTS of ability in writing it down!   
on Feb 08, 2007
I think UDigIt showed LOTS of ability in writing it down!


DITTO!
on Feb 08, 2007
Shovel & Tova,

Don't he just. Maybe with a little more encouragement, he'll start writing more. C'mon Chris, get to it, mate.

Whip,

Ah, yes, Robert Crumb's greatest anti-hero. I have to say it wasn't until recently that I got into the genius of Robert Crumb. He really was one of a kind, wasn't he. I was more a fan of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, particularly Fat Freddy's Cat.

Below are lyrics by Aussie band Mental As Anything for their song 'Mr Natural'. I thought they might amuse you. The song itself was a failry big hit out here.

Don't drink, don't smoke
Don't sniff no coke
New age that's me
And that's what you should be

I am Mr Natural
You can call me Mr Natural

Don't drive no car
I live by the stars
Don't eat no meat
I am Mr complete

I am Mr Natural
You can call me Mr Natural

I am Mr Natural

Don't wear no skin
Don't care who wins
And I know I'm right
I don't get uptight

I am Mr Natural
You can call me Mr Natural

I am Mr Natural
You can call me Mr Natural

Mr Natural

I am Mr Natural

You can call me Mr Natural
on Feb 08, 2007
Mark,

Best of luck with your trying to make some changes in your life.

It's been great getting to know you here on JU...I consider you a friend as well.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff...and your wife's as well, even though I've kinda been slacking off at replying lately.
on Feb 09, 2007
Can I just chime in with a "ditto?"

Not only do I not think any less of you -- I'm quite amazed and impressed that you were able to quit cold turkey. I find change to be frightening and exhilerating at the same time -- and with those feelings in mind, I wish you the best of luck in maintaining this change for as long (or as short) as you'd like!
on Feb 09, 2007
Good on you Maso. I didn't bat an eyelid at your revelation. I was expecting you to say "I've been eating puppy soup for the last 20 years" or something. You are lucky that you haven't had any trouble getting of it. It does tend to be addictive only in the psychological sense, but that can be bad enough. Some friends of mine have battled to get off pot. One of them became Schizophrenic. On the other hand I only ever tried it once and it did nothing for me.

Congratulations mate.
on Feb 09, 2007

I was expecting you to say "I've been eating puppu soup for the last 20 years" or something.

Seems we think a like!  Great minds?  Or just warped ones?

on Feb 09, 2007
....................No weed and still forgot what I was gonna type.
on Feb 09, 2007
Rose,

I consider you a friend as well


Thanks... It means a lot to me, too. You know, I've noticed a greater percentage of the people I like here come from Texas. I don't know why that is, but I like it. Or maybe I just like steers, beers and... long horizons.

Shades,

Not only do I not think any less of you -- I'm quite amazed and impressed that you were able to quit cold turkey


Thanks very much. I was pleased it was a lot easier than I expected it to be, let me tell you. It wasn't as though I was smoking stupid amounts every day, but I was expecting it to be harder.

I wish you the best of luck in maintaining this change


Thanks again. As I said earlier, my prime objective has already been achieved and that was to break the daily habit. I really appreciate your kind words of support.

Toblerone,

I've been eating puppy soup for the last 20 years


Bloody hell, mate, are you psychic or something? How did you guess my BIG secret?

It does tend to be addictive only in the psychological sense, but that can be bad enough


Absolutely. Like you, I've known people who try to get off it and fail, try again and fail, and, in some instances, actually end up smoking more. But like all drugs, they affect each us in different ways. Thankfully, the grip I thought it had on me turned out to be far less steely than I had thought.

Congratulations mate


Thanks mate. You are another of those who welcomed me here very early on and made me feel at home. But then, I would expect nothing less from a Canberra boy. We will definitely be catching up soon. I'm trying to organise a few gigs at the moment, and Canberra is on the list. I will let you know when and you've got free tickets in, mate.

Doc,

Great minds? Or just warped ones


Erm, the second one, me thinks

Mason,

Ah, my namesake riseth from the road to lend us his wit. I had something else to say as well but it completely slipped my mind.
on Feb 11, 2007
Maso: Way to go on meeting your goal.  Sorry I didn't have a chance to respond either, but, of course, this "revelation" doesn't change anything with me.  Hope all goes well.
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