Lust Is Dust

Published on February 20, 2007 By dynamaso In Poetry

NB: not sure about this one, folks, but as I'm only practicing, thought I'd put it up and see what sort of feedback you can offer. All comments gratefully taken on the chin

LUST IS DUST

Slowly spread
Grandiose
On a bed
Fullest pose
Under glamour
Chiffon and pearl
Heart a’ clamour for
This plain girl
Tho my mind’s eye
Sees Aphrodite
I can’t deny
My passion’s mighty

Biting down
On the fisted glove
A single touch
Is heaven above
This plain girl
Is more than simple
She’s hidden treasure
Under a wimple
My fortitude
Is tinder and clay
That will harden more
When she’s away

She is the dam
I am the boy’s finger
She is the reason
Why I linger

Comments (Page 1)

SanChonino

on Feb 20, 2007

Very interesting. I don't know what a wimple is, other than Mr. Wimple (or was it Whipple?) that used to squeeze all the Charmin in the store until he died.

I loved the line about the biting of the finger, mate . . . story of my life. And I bite that stupid finger hard.

DrDonald

on Feb 20, 2007

Ah... it brings back memories of high school or my wedding night. A dissonance between the turmoil and awkwardness of passion and the structured and elegant style with which the poem was written.

No. Beyond being pleasant. Innovative, unexpected and intriguing.

foreverserenity

on Feb 20, 2007

OK, I'm no expert so this is just my humble opinion, my response, overall I like it, but my visual is getting mixed up.

Your title is interesting, but I would just call it Lust.......since I didn't see where Dust comes in.

Instead of 'Fullest pose'....Fully prone

My passion's mighty......My passion's might

I am the boy's finger.....I am the finger

Having looked it over again...I do see the relevance to 'dust' where you wrote

"My fortitude
Is tinder and clay
That will harden more
When she’s away"

Overall I liked it so don't stop writing!

Shovelheat

on Feb 20, 2007

I liked it so don't stop writing!

Exactly! Never stop Maso. No way I could critique poetry but I know what I like when I see it.

Buddah Moskowitz

on Feb 20, 2007

Nicely done - I especially like the mood you create. - Moskowitz

dynamaso

on Feb 20, 2007

San Cho,

I don't know what a wimple is

A wimple is a sort of bonnet, as worn by women in medieval times and still by some nuns.

Mr. Wimple (or was it Whipple?) that used to squeeze all the Charmin in the store until he died.

I'm afraid I don't what you're talking about here, mate.

And I bite that stupid finger hard

Ouch... I suppose you should be glad it doesn't bite back.

Don,

Innovative, unexpected and intriguing

Thanks very much. As I said, I wasn't so sure about this piece but I felt something in it that worked for me. Glad it provoked you in some way.

Serenity,

Thanks so much for your response. I really appreciate your feedback.

Instead of 'Fullest pose'....Fully prone

My passion's mighty......My passion's might

I used the words I did because I wanted them to rhyme...

I am the boy's finger.....I am the finger

You know, I wanted to change it to this, but JU wouldn't let me edit so I left it as is... Well spotted

don't stop writing

Never!

dynamaso

on Feb 20, 2007

Shovel,

I know what I like when I see it

I'm sure you could pick out the inadequacies in my work, mate. After all, you are a great natural writer yourself. Thanks for your kind words, though.

Buddah,

I especially like the mood you create

Thanks very much, mate.

Shovelheat

on Feb 20, 2007

I'm sure you could pick out the inadequacies in my work, mate.

Sheeitt...

And Mr Whipple is a Yank thang Maso! As American as baseball and apple pie...

WWW Link

SanChonino

on Feb 20, 2007

And Mr Whipple is a Yank thang Maso! As American as baseball and apple pie.

Yes, yes it is . . . thanks for the wiki link, Shovel.

dynamaso

on Feb 20, 2007

Shovel & San Cho,

Thanks for letting me know about Mr. Whipple. I seem to recall a similar sort of character out here but who was nowhere near as successful as the Whipple character.

Shovelheat

on Feb 20, 2007

Thanks for letting me know about Mr. Whipple.

sure thing. Anytime you wanna know something about toilet paper, I'm your man!

dynamaso

on Feb 20, 2007

Anytime you wanna know something about toilet paper, I'm your man

LOL

uDigItTheMost

on Feb 21, 2007

No way I could critique poetry but I know what I like when I see it.

It's how I feel, too. I liked your poem, Mark. Is it me or have you been a roll lately?

dynamaso

on Feb 21, 2007

Chris,

have you been a roll lately?

I've actually had a bit of time to work on a few things I've had floating around in my brain. My Muse is definitely giving out at the moment.

SanChonino

on Feb 21, 2007

My Muse is definitely giving out at the moment.

Ain't it the best when she's putting out?

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