Untitled#2: quirky, fascinating and enigmatic

Scarlet Spell: deliciously expressive and descriptive

Simply Be: imbued with feeling, claustrophobic desperation yielding to self acceptance


I envy you your flexibility of style. I mean, I sometimes wish I could escape the oppressively pounding metre of my poetry. I think I'll try to practice something with a freer flow soon. The other thing I do too much is over-edit and second-guess. Sometimes some of the good stuff gets filtered out. The final thing for me to remember is that I'm not Maso, ShovelHeat or Tova or any of the other great writers around here and shouldn't try to be exactly like them. I guess I'm looking for myself (my inner writer), like you're looking for yours (psst...I think you've found him).

Simply Be is dead on, Maso. It strikes a resonant chord, illuminating...

(Dear God, if if I weren't so ~ahem~ hammered at the moment I'd leave a more profound comment, lol! But I figger you get my drift...)



I agree with Doc Don. And I think Doc Don's on the money too. I envy HIS ability at the poetry thing...

Don,

These three pieces started as exercises, never meant for other's consumption. But I figured what the heck, I'm only going to get better with external scrutiny. I was thinking no one would really understand what I'm on about but then the best poets hid their lives behind metaphors, their likes and dislikes in obtuse phrases.

over-edit and second-guess

Yeah, I try real hard not to do this. But sometimes it is hard not to. And then, of course, there are those obvious spelling mistakes that slip through. As for finding my inner writer, I still don't know if I have, but I think I'm getting closer all the time.

Glad you enjoyed these and thanks for your comments.

Shovel,

'Simply Be' is my favourite of the three. It is very much how I think sometimes, particularly after hard days.

Dear God, if if I weren't so ~ahem~ hammered at the moment

Mate, if I was hammered, I don't think I could even type let alone leave anything even vaguely profound. Regardless, thanks for your comments, mate. They're always appreciated.

I enjoyed all three. The first two made me smile and think of Rose. 'Simply Be' was my favorite. Maybe 'cause it hits home the most.

I like your style of writing. It's something I can't do. Sometimes you read articles in the writing section and you feel inspired, then there's those times you feel intimidated.

Just curious, what didn't you like about your poems?

Chris,

Thanks for your comments, mate. I hope you're inspired and not intimidated by these pieces. I've never been one to intimidate anyone and I would hate to start now.

Just curious, what didn't you like about your poems?

Good question, mate. It wasn't so much I didn't like these, I just wasn't happy with any of them. Sometimes, when I write something new, everything just clicks, the words, the phrasings, the metre, everything. Other times, I write to explore an idea but it jsut doesn't come out the way I feel it. These poems were more in the second category for me, although in review, 'Simply Be' is better for me with each reading.

Whip,

You're absolutely right, of course. As I said in my response to Dr. Don, those dastardly spelling (and grammatical mistakes) slipped through. I tried to go back and edit them out but JU wouldn't let me. It annoyed me I couldn't fix 'em, let me tell you.

Still, I'm glad you were able to see past these to the beauty of them. Thanks you for noticing.

Yay, I was finally able to go back and edit the spelling and grammatical mistakes out (thanks Whip).

I read these a number of times but I think because I was so close to them, I saw what I thought should be there rather than what really was. It is funny how the mind plays these sorts of tricks.

Whip,

The use of 'was' is deliberate. I like the informality of it and was hoping it would allude to a desperate past of the writer.

I will go to everypoet.com and have a look. Thanks for letting me know about it. I'm interested in seeing what others outside JU might think of my poetry. Like you say, it would be good to have some vultures have a go at my work because I'm sure it could do with some sharpening up.

Thanks again for your responses. Much appreciated...

Whip,

I've registered with Everypoet.com and am trying to decide which poem I will post first. I've had a good look through the different threads. Some of the poems are fairly ordinary but some of them are fantastic. I like that no one seems to take any of the criticism, even the harshest criticism, to heart. I would really like to find out where I'm going wrong and improve my techniques.

Thanks again for pointing me in their direction. As I said, it is very much appreciated. I will keep you updated on how it goes too.

Heh, I don't know an iambic pentameter from a peter-meter (that's a yardstick ain't it?) but I do enjoy perusing the poetry here...

Keep it up, Maso and Buddah and DrDonald and Whip and, and...I gotta be leaving somebody out! But anyway, keep it up...

a peter-meter (that's a yardstick ain't it?)

Thanks for the laugh, mate.

you have some big milestones to say something like that!

a peter meter for a meter peter?

OK, I'm done   

@ Don