Take a number and wait until you're called.
This could be the scene where I could finally tell him: a deserted stage. Footlights will dimly glow. We'll walk on stage left.

Two shadows moved out onto the stage. As they drew closer to the still-glowing footlights, their glow revealed a man and woman. The man could feel the heat coming off the cans, like radiators. He ran a hand through his dark, wavy hair. Wow, it must get hot up here?”

The woman replied, almost despondently. “Yeah, it does. But the makeup hides our sweat, mostly.”

I’ll wrap my arms around him; make him feel secure before I let him down.

The woman padded across, wrapped her arms around the man, and pressed her face into his back. “But there is nothing like being on the stage. It is almost like being on another world.” Her melancholia was almost contagious.

“So, what do you see when you’re up here?” He gestured at the empty seats.

“Not much, really. I think if I could see everyone, I would probably forget my lines. The truth is I almost forget they’re out there, watching. It’s only when someone coughs or laughs I remember where I am.”

He turned in her arms to face her. He looked for her eyes but she had them closed, tight, almost as if she was sleeping. “And where, exactly, are you?”

He’d say something tender but alluding to something else giving me the excuse to get angry with him.

She pushed away from him. She looked angry but she still wouldn’t look at him. She only darted red glances at him from under her fringe. “I don’t want to start this again with you. This is what I do. This is who I am. If you can’t understand then I know one thing for sure.” She paused. He waited but she couldn’t finish.

He wiped the hair from her face and gently cradled her chin in his hand. He raised her head up until she was looking fully at him. He could see so much sadness in her eyes. He started to ask her but found he couldn’t voice the words. Something was missing and he couldn’t think what to say.

She pulled her head away from his grip. She could see his sudden disquiet all over his face. He looked first confused, then almost dismayed.

I don’t know what I what him to say here. He could reciprocate the anger or perhaps he could try to placate her. But I’m not sure.

He stood gasping in front of her, trying to say something, anything. She seemed completely distracted by something else, barely even seeing him. His mouth worked its way open and shut, reminding her of a goldfish.

He was kind of like that, a goldfish in a bowl. Only the bowl is my page and his air, my words. Without them, he can’t breath. I’m bored with him. He doesn’t excite me anymore. I really thought I could make his character work, but he’s all wrong. I’m going to have to think about this more. However, he’ll definitely have dark, wavy hair.

He pulled at his collar and clutched his hands to his throat. He looked imploringly at her but she had turned away and was completely ignoring him. He tried to move but it was as if his feet were stuck to the floor. He slumped to his knees. The noise echoed around the stage. The woman turned and looked at him.

As she watched, he toppled face first onto the floor. His right arm reached out towards her. He extended his fingers imploringly to her until it finally he stopped moving. She watched him for a while, and then stepped forward towards him. She stopped in front of him but instead of looking at him, she looked out over the still glowing footlights. She smiled to herself as the curtain fell.

Comments
on Apr 09, 2007
Hmmm..........
on Apr 09, 2007
First it's well written because of the dialogue and the picture you paint. But I'm having trouble grasping what exactly is going on...I hear what you're saying but I just can't see it in my mind's eye...I don't know if I'm sounding like an idiot but hopefully you know what I mean. I guess I just don't really understand the fourth wall concept as well as I thought I did. I have to review some more.
on Apr 09, 2007
First it's well written because of the dialogue and the picture you paint


Yes it is!

What Maso is doing, Donna is breaking down that "forth wall" that exist between the story and the audience and the male character is merely the protag's imagination that crumbles away when she changes her mind.

(I hope I got that right, if not I'm gonna look like a T-total frickin' dumbass!)

Anyway, an excellent story Maso! Don't really know if I can come up with one yet though...
on Apr 09, 2007
Oh...now that's pretty freakin' sweet.

~Zoo
on Apr 09, 2007

(I hope I got that right, if not I'm gonna look like a T-total frickin' dumbass!)

Makes sense to me now!  If it is not right, it is good enough for this hack (me)!

on Apr 09, 2007
What Maso is doing, Donna is breaking down that "forth wall" that exist between the story and the audience and the male character is merely the protag's imagination that crumbles away when she changes her mind.


I got something like the character is writing how she wants the scene to go and creates the male character. She(the author version) grows bored and scraps the character while the story version watches him fall and die....these things are fun to wrap your mind around, and there is always a different way of interpreting it. I actually think we're on the same train of thought here.

~Zoo
on Apr 09, 2007
Masterfully told. This had me shifting back and forth from what seemed imaginary to what seemed real, doubting, at the end, which was which. Vivid description.
on Apr 09, 2007
What Maso is doing, Donna is breaking down that "forth wall" that exist between the story and the audience and the male character is merely the protag's imagination that crumbles away when she changes her mind.


Got it Joe! Now it makes sense to me! See I couldn't figure the 'fourth wall' part of it, so the character is imaginary, not totally fleshed out and if the writer or creator gets bored, or doesn't like the character they are creating, they just do away with it and it's like I'm the audience who is seeing all this happening? Is that right? OK.


got something like the character is writing how she wants the scene to go and creates the male character. She(the author version) grows bored and scraps the character while the story version watches him fall and die....these things are fun to wrap your mind around, and there is always a different way of interpreting it. I actually think we're on the same train of thought here.


Yeah, same thing he said!! I got it! Thx both of you!


Of course, his diaglogue is really, really good and I saw this but I just couldn't picture what exactly I was supposed to see thus I didn't understand at first. It's great Mark, great job!
on Apr 09, 2007
Doc,

Hmmm?

Donna,

First it's well written because of the dialogue and the picture you paint.


Thanks very much. I had fun writing this. It came together very quickly.

I'm having trouble grasping what exactly is going on...

don't know if I'm sounding like an idiot but hopefully you know what I mean.


Joe has explained it pretty darn well. I woudl never think of you as an idiot for not understanding something. You have the desire to learn and as long as you have that, you can never be considered an idiot.

Joe,

I hope I got that right, if not I'm gonna look like a T-total frickin' dumbass


Nah, mate you got it completely wrong, sorry... Couldn't resist... The fact is you hit the nail fair and square on the head, mate. You read it exactly as I intended.

an excellent story


Thanks very much mate. As I said to Donna, it came together very quickly, thanks in part to you providing the inspiration. I can really see this story as being something longer. I've already got some great ideas about where I'd like to take it.

Shaun,

now that's pretty freakin' sweet


Thanks very much mate. Glad you liked it.

Doc,

Makes sense to me now


Phew...

Shaun,

I actually think we're on the same train of thought here.

Indeed you are, mate. I like the idea of a story being as real as the writer wants it to be. I've always been fascinated with the idea of undoing a story, to see what it underneath. The fourth wall concept, to me, is somewhat like a bridge between the story and the teller and a way for those who can to cross between and see what exists on the other side.

Don,

Masterfully told

You are too kind, mate, and far too generous. Still, I'm real pleased you liked this. I can hardly wait to see what you might come up with.
on Apr 09, 2007
Donna,

I'm the audience who is seeing all this happening? Is that right?


Pretty much... It is as Joe and Shaun explained. This format is a lot of fun and can be open to the interpretations of the reader too.

It's great Mark, great job!


Glad you liked it Donna.