Take a number and wait until you're called.
Part One...
Published on May 13, 2008 By dynamaso In Fiction Writing

This is the intro and first chapter into a longish short story I'm currently working on.  More to follow...

 

Lying in the grass

Near the shady trees

I hear a voice from the dark

Calling out to me

It sounds like my death

 

Written in a bubble above an image of a young lad lying in a grassy field, this image, covering a whole page, intrigued the boy as he read it because he was doing exactly the same thing.  In the picture, there were woods behind the boy, at the end of the field.  In the dark of the woods, the artist had cunningly concealed a shadow of something monstrous.

The pictures and words floated up to his eyes like little streams of magical colour.  He absorbed them all with gusto, sucking them into his young brain and letting them explode in his imagination.  He wanted to grow up to be a super hero, like he liked reading about, with special super powers and brilliantly coloured costumes.  But this comic was different.  It made him think hard.

 

 

He took a breather before turning the page, looking up from the comic to the blue sky above his world.  There were puffy grey clouds closing in but he knew if he had to, he could be home before his hair got wet. 

A bright pink noise turned his attention back to the ground.  At first, he thought it was a birdcall but soon realised it was something else entirely.  The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up like never before.  He looked all around the field he’d been reading and daydreaming the afternoon away in but could see nothing.

A cold, sickly smell gathered around his nose and he tried to shoo it away like a fly.  He dropped the comic on the ground and stood up, head darting around, sneaker heels spinning on the soft grass.  The smell became stronger all of a sudden, like someone had opened a door to a sewerage tank.  When the hand came from behind and gripped tight over his mouth, the first thing that occurred to him is he’d never be able to find out if he was a hero.

He tried to struggle but the hand gripped him like a vice.  The last thing he saw was a panel from his beloved comic.  The pain that followed was ever so brief but of such intensity, his heart stopped and his eyes burst from their sockets.  Thankfully, he was unable to feel anything from then on.

The comic lay on the ground, flapping like an injured bird.  Big, heavy drops of rain spattered onto its pages but there was no longer anyone to protect it.  As the rain became harder, the colours on the comic panels became darker and more sinister before running into each other and off the page.

As these hit the dirt, the combined colours looked exactly like blood.

___________________________________________________

“So, what have you got?” The voice was as rough as sandpaper, heavy-duty sandpaper, the kind that can take mountains off a landscape.  Any preconceived notion of the voice belonging to an as-grizzled body were quashed with his physical appearance though.  The detective in question was tall, slim, casually neat and handsome.  His name was Will Rogan but everyone called him Rogues, as in the plural of rogue.

The uniformed officer standing next to the covered body answered.  “Hey Rogues, its some poor kid. Its nasty, too. I hope you haven’t had breakfast.”  This voice was less rough but of the same ilk.

“Do we have an I.D.?”

“Yeah, the kid’s father found him.  There’s no doubt.  The boy’s name was Aiden Wilson. His Dad is Tony Wilson, you know, the bloke who runs that antique shop near the roundabout?”

“Tony, aw, bloody hell! We played rugby for school together.  He was a forward.  He’s a good bloke, you know.  Aw, bloody hell…”  He squated down next to the body and lifted one end of the cover.  He looked back at the constable.  His face said it all.  The constable looked across at his partner, who was sheepishly standing some distance away.  He looked particularly green around the gills.

“What the fucking hell happened to him?  Has the coroner been here yet?”

“Nah, we just got him out of bed.  He had a late night with a big accident near the Port Macquarie turnoff.  He’ll be here soon, though.”

“You said Tony found him.  Is he still here?”

“Yeah, he’s over sitting in the back of my car.  He’s pretty messed up.”

Rogs stood and looked back toward the police car.  He could see his old footy mate sitting on the back seat, legs hanging out the open door.  He looked back at the constable again. “This is really fucking terrible.  He’s a good bloke.  Did he say if he saw anything?“  The constable looked awkward and shrugged.

“I didn’t ask, sorry.” Rogues tutted, then shot the hapless constable a quick smile.

“Don’t worry son, I’ll ask.“  Rogs walked over to the car.  As he got closer, the man looked up.  His eyes were red and his cheeks tear stained.  Rogs really felt for him.

“Hey Tony, hows it going, mate?”

Tony just shrugged and waved a hand towards his dead son.  “Who did this, Rogues, ay? Who did this to my little boy?”

“I don’t know, mate, but I’m going to do my best to find out, don’t you worry."  Rogues crouched and put his hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“The constable over there says you found him.  Had he been missing for long?”

“He didn’t come home last night, but sometimes he doesn’t, not on school holidays, anyway.  He rides over to his Nan’s sometimes or he stays with a mate of his in town.  He usually calls us first, but when he didn't, we just let it slide…”  Tony sputtered and shook his head.  He took Rogues right hand, squeezed it and said, “What am I gonna tell his mother, ay, what the fuck am I going to tell Lil?”

After repeating this a few times, the man heaved and hitched and sobbed deeply.  Rogues, unsure of what to do, simply squeezed the other man’s shoulder with his free hand.

Eventually, the sobs ebbed and the heart-broken father looked up.  “Just get him, will you, mate. Promise me you’ll get him?”

“I’ll do everything I can, mate.  But I have to ask, mate, did you see anything?“

Tony looked up into Rogues eyes and simply shook his head.  Tears stained his face and the shading kind of reminded the policeman of something.  The moment seem suspended in time as he struggled to remember what it was.  Something nasty, a smell, snapped him back into reality.

Rogues looked around, suddenly feeling nervous for no reason.  He shook off the feeling and remembered where he was.  He looked back down at Tony and said, “Listen, just sit tight and I’ll get someone to drive you home, okay?”  With this Rogues stood and turned back to the crimescene.

In the back of his mind, he played the incident over and over again in his head, so he would remember it later.  He wanted to explore it a bit now, but the coroner had just showed and would undoubtably want a proper crime scene established.  The two young constables who answered the call wouldn’t know the first thing about it, so it was up to him.

He sighed and trudged back to his car.

 

 

 


Comments
on May 13, 2008

Aw crap!  Come on Maso, I want more!  That ended far too soon.  Seriously.

on May 13, 2008
I'm hooked Maso. Hurry up.....
on May 13, 2008
on May 13, 2008

This feels Steven King-ish, but with more Maso flare.

Freaking wonderful Maso....seriously.

Hey...you should post this at abctales.com.  It's a writer's site, and free.  They produce a magazine every 3 months and your work could be in it.

Its an Australian site, (and they hate my stuff...but I think they are just anti-American...can't be because my stuff sux...heh.)

Seriously, this is better than most of the stuff they feature.  And the wonderful thing is....its doesn't have to be finished....but can be a work in progress.

On a personal note...I am working on a novel in which one of the early characters' name is "Death." 

 

on May 13, 2008
Aw crap! Come on Maso, I want more! That ended far too soon. Seriously.


I'm hooked Maso. Hurry up.....


This feels Steven King-ish, but with more Maso flare.


Now how can I add to these comments as dead-on as they are? Pure coolness    Maso!
on May 13, 2008

Dev,

That ended far too soon. Seriously.

Thanks mate.  I'm working on the next installment.  Can't say when it will be up but I'll do my best to make it as soon as possible.  Thanks for the support mate.

on May 13, 2008

Kelly,

I'm hooked Maso. Hurry up.....

But a good thing shouldn't be rushed.  I've got the bare bones of the it all sorted.  It is now a case of writing it. 

I'm pleased you like it so much.

on May 13, 2008

SanCho,

Thanks mate.

Tova,

This feels Steven King-ish, but with more Maso flare.

It is kind of what I was going for.  Nice of you to notice.

Freaking wonderful Maso....seriously.

I don't know what to say.  This means a heck of a lot to me coming from you.  Thanks so much.

Hey...you should post this at abctales.com. It's a writer's site, and free. They produce a magazine every 3 months and your work could be in it. Its an Australian site, (and they hate my stuff...but I think they are just anti-American...can't be because my stuff sux...heh.) Seriously, this is better than most of the stuff they feature. And the wonderful thing is....its doesn't have to be finished....but can be a work in progress.

Hey, thanks for this.  I will check definitely check it out.  I've been a member of Writers.com but have yet to put anything up there.  Maybe I should.

On a personal note...I am working on a novel in which one of the early characters' name is "Death."

Okay, now I'm really intrigued.  When can I (we) read it?

on May 13, 2008

Tova,

I went to and joined abctales.com.  It is actually an English site, not that it matters.  But the big surprise was reading the Cherry Picked collection and seeing two entries by none other than Tova 7.  It is always good to see a familiar name.

Thanks for pointing this site out to me.  I will be adding more to it in the coming days and weeks.

on May 13, 2008
I went to and joined abctales.com. It is actually an English site, not that it matters. But the big surprise was reading the Cherry Picked collection and seeing two entries by none other than Tova 7. It is always good to see a familiar name.


hahahaha...why did I think its Australian? I dunno...

That's the first time they've EVER featured any of my work...I cross post from here to there...only a few stories...they hated Cade, JUDE, and pretty much every thing else EXCEPT what they featured today..which was real life stuff...not made up.

One guy was nice enough to tell me in painful detail how much he hated Cade and why...ahahahahaha.

I love it.

You won't get a lot of comments...some writers seem pretty stuffy about that type of thing and won't even respond to comments on their own stories/poems/whatever...how did I not know they are English? heh. Anyway, don't be discouraged...I get on and make comments all the time, so you'll be hearing from me.

I don't post there for the comments. I post in hopes of getting published for braggin rights.

They don't pay, but if you look at their previous issues most of the authors are freakin SERIOUS authors/academics (and their stuff is about 50/50...some great, some not so great imo)..with lots of actual "creative writing" professors and such.

I want in a publication so when they do my bio and picture it will read: Meh, American Stay at home Mom. And maybe send a picture with me and my kids...

I don't know though, everyone uses their real names, or their writing names. Guess I will just go with Tova Seven.buwhahahaha

Ok, seriously, its a fun site. Just don't break their 3 stories a day rule...or OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
on May 13, 2008

I just tried to update something there and got tossed out.  When I tried to go back to the site, I got an error message mentioning something about software I hadn't downloaded.  I'm not too sure what is going on so I will leave it for today and go back again tomorrow.  If it is still wonky, I will send the admins an email.

It doesn't surprise me that people don't comment much.  JU is the only site I've been where there is a healthy, responsive community, which is why I like being here so much.

Thanks again for pointing it out to me.

on May 14, 2008

Excellent, Maso.

It grabs you and leaves you wanting more.

Hurry with part 2 already.

on May 14, 2008
Thanks mate. I'm working on the next installment. Can't say when it will be up but I'll do my best to make it as soon as possible.


Hurry! Great start! You sucked me in!
on May 14, 2008

Chris,

Hurry with part 2 already

Patience, my friend, patience (but I'm really glad you like it so far).

Doc,

Hurry! Great start! You sucked me in

Thank you too.  Pleased to suck you in... erm... oh, you know what I mean

on Jun 05, 2008

Would you believe I'm just now reading the first installment?!  Glad I did too!  You write such a good story I didnt' even need to read this part!lol!  On to part 5!