Any answer is potentially the wrong one...
Early last night I received a call from a friend who was performing with his ensemble at an open mic night at a local hotel. He rang to say that a number of the acts that had booked themselves for the night had pulled out and would I be interested in coming down and doing a set. I'm always up to performing, so grabbed my guitar, kissed my wife goodbye and headed on out into the night.
After watching my friend Pete and his band do their set, it was my turn. I had fun, playing songs I've played so many times in the past I could do them in my sleep. I went over well, particularly with Pete's bandmates.
So, after coming off stage, grabbing a beverage and trying to bring myself back down after the high of performing, I'm standing chatting to Peter when his friend Simon asked me out of the blue: "do you believe in God?" I was a bit suprised, to say the least. It is the last thing I would expect to be asked standing at a bar of a hotel. More importantly, it is any enquiry more suited to those who have know each other longer than half an hour. I wanted to say something really profound, something that he would go away thinking about. All I could come up with at the time was "That's a very subjective question and the only answer I can give you is also very subjective, but now is not the time or place for me to answer you." He smiled at me, I guess sensing my discomfort.
I was bought up as a Roman Catholic. At some point, I withdrew from it because of an inpalpable sense of something more than just what the Bible says. Since then, I've read a lot about Buddhism, Islam, Hindu, Judaism and Catholicism as well as some lesser recognised religions and philosophies. There are certain aspects of the each religion and certain philosophies that rang true in my heart. There are also some things that didn't.
So I sort of formed my own personal belief structure. I have faith. I try to maintain a healthy positive attitude to all things. I believe in the power or words and I try not to think or say anything negative. I allow myself to be human, make mistakes, learn from them and move forward. I don't believe in regrets. I like the idea of karma, although I don't think it works well enough. I try to keep jealousy, anger, envy and greed out of my life. Most of all, I always try to give myself a break.
What I mean by this is that I don't beat myself up if I slip. This is in keeping with my 'no regrets' attitude. I think the worst thing we can do to ourselves is chastise ourselves, either in thought or word. It is a seriously unhealthy thing to do. If I slip, make a mistake or inadvertently do something wrong, I acknowledge it, try to learn from it, try to not do it again and then let it go. Letting it go is the thing I struggle with the most. It is easy to say and particularly hard to do. But I keep trying.
So, do I believe in God? I still don't have a clear answer, even after thinking about it and writing this little piece. 'God' is an indefinable and so much of what I believe is very clear. Any other thoughts out there?