The last week has been a bit of a tough one. I'm probably going to be writing about it for a while, but I'll start out with the situation. Over a week ago, I got some sort of cold/flu/virus thing that had left me with an ear infection. The consequence of this is that I've been unable to hear virtually anything for the last week or so. As a musician and, obviously, someone who loves listening to music, I've found this particularly hard. But every cloud has a silver lining, so they say.
I had to go see a specialist, who informed me that, basically, I have very badly blocked ears caused by both the infection and longer-term gunk buildup. When I explained to him I had tinnitus, he said he believed a lot of it was caused by excessive wax buildup against my eardrum. He gave me some drops and told me to come back in a weeks time, which meant I'd be deaf as a post for nearly two weeks. His final words were that he expected when I came back to see him and he gave my ears a good going over, I would hear better than I have in a long time. Still the prospect of another week was scary for me as the only thing I dread worse than being deaf is losing a finger or hand and being unable to play guitar or piano.
But something has happened. I've come to a point where, while not actually liking my present state, I've feel I've been given a reminder of how fragile we all are AND what it is like to be truly disabled. We all take so much for granted, particularly with our senses that to have one incapacitated has really shaken me up, but in a good way. While I can't hear phones ring, or doorbells buzz, my wife talk to me, my cat meow or the television, although a pair of headphones has helped with this problem, I've also found that my sense of smell, always good, is working overtime at the moment. This morning the first thing that happened to me is I woke up to the smell of my wife who had just come out of the shower. I've smelt this before, but this morning, it lingered until she was well out the door and on her way to work. Maybe this is always how it happens, but this is the first time I've really noticed.
I'm reading a lot more than I usually do, playing cards when I get tired of reading and writing heaps of lyrics and working on some story ideas. I think I've been saving myself from writing anything here as I wanted to give myself some time with this problem just to see where my mind would take me. I've had a couple of rough days where I imagined the worst was going to happen and I would never be able to hear properly again. But the optimist in me fought off those thoughts, replaced them with happier ones and has let me come to appreciate my predicament. So I can't really hear anything. I can still see, taste, touch, smell and feel. My hearing loss is only temporary. So I might as well make the best of my other senses while my favourite is incapacitated. And when I feel down, I will remind myself of those out there who suffer similar conditions but on a permanent basis. I can't feel sorry for myself knowing how many people really are deaf, blind, mute or physically handicapped but who live rich, rewarding lives. Feeling sorry for myself then just feels foolish.