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Stess - phooey...
Published on January 31, 2005 By dynamaso In Misc
How is this for a premise: making an ass of yourself can put points on your wisdom scorecard if you make an ass of yourself and don’t even know you’re doing it. The getting of wisdom comes later when you realise and then go out of your way to eat humble pie and apologise for your behaviour. I don’t think this is being regretful either, because the getting of regrets is from doing something you KNOW to be wrong at the time. Making an ass of one’s self is usually done completely unselfconsciously.

I believe this works on many levels. If you apply similar logic to our greatest inventors, you can see exactly how this works. Edison sees the filament glowing. He tries to get the filament brighter, hastily applying more current. The filament burns out and he is back to square one. He continues to repeat this mistake until he realises the filament is burning out because he is applying too much current or applying it too quickly. The next time, he very slowly brings up the amount of current and remembers the last gradient before the filament burns out. Et voila, the light bulb is born (please allow my licentious adjustment of history for my own purposes – I’m sure you get my drift).

I remember being told as a child that to repeat a mistake was to have not learnt the lesson initially. But it always bothered me the way we are drawn to repeating our mistakes. I believe this is because we haven’t learnt from them so we are caught in a ‘mistake loop’ until we get it right. Then we learn to apply this lesson to other situations. This is really what wisdom is about. Not learning the lesson but learning how to apply it to other situations.

The thing is, many people go out of their way to make asses of themselves but do it with obviousness and obliviousness best reserved for people who do really dangerous jobs. This makes a mockery of my above statement about regrets. At first, I was confused about my observations but I believe this group, which I call Obvious-asses, don’t look back at their behaviour with any regret. They have a sociopath’s commitment to being ignorant and feel an unequivocal right to their behaviour.

I’ve seen grown adults exhibit behaviour that normally wouldn’t be tolerated in a kindergarten. These ‘adults’ explain their behaviour away as ‘stress’. Hmm, now, as a teenager, if I were to rant and scream at someone over an insubstantial incident or abuse someone who didn’t deserve it in the normal course of a school day, the very least I could have expected was a clip under the ear. Under less than perfect conditions, I would probably have picked on the wrong person who would have sought vengeance the only way school boys do: in a circle of peers all yelling ‘fight, fight, fight’. I probably would have got a busted lip or a black eye and would have gone home thinking, ‘okay, note to self – don’t be such a prick’ or ‘learn to fight’ or maybe both.

The ‘stress’ excuse indicates to me the inability for the individual in question to cope with day-to-day life. I’ve been in ‘stressful’ jobs but I haven’t felt the need to be a right arsehole to anyone who crosses my path. I’ve known a number of people in my past who do react this way. It is sad, pathetic and, when it really comes down to it, a ridiculous way for any reasonably intelligent adult to behave. These folk only belittle themselves and create drama where none previously existed. Unbeknownst to them, they actually raise their stress levels by behaving this way. Over time, their body will start to exhibit the wear and tear caused by stress. Poor sleep, accelerated heart rate, high blood pressure, digestive problems, impotency and hair loss are just some of the physical manifestations of prolonged stress.

Why do I know about what stress does? Sometime ago, I allowed myself to succumb to the ravages of stress. I lost my appetite and ended up with colic and digestive problems. Before I realised what was happening I lost about 10 kilos (this is a way of dieting I would not recommend to anyone, no matter how desperate). I had to radically change my diet, give up some of the foods I’ve loved and enjoyed all my life and change the way I dealt with stress. I consider myself lucky because my stress only manifested itself in my digestive system. I could have ended up with heart problems, migraines or any number of other more debilitating conditions.

I am not saying I have wisdom. I don’t think I’ve lived long enough to have gained any wisdom. I have learnt many things, sure, but I know there are still so many things I want to learn, so many things I want to try. Maybe by the time death comes knocking, I’ll be able to sit back and consider myself wise. Who knows? Maybe true wisdom will come after I’ve died. But I will keep making mistakes and keep trying to correct them. It is the only way I know to truly work at becoming a better man.


Comments
on Feb 01, 2005
absolutley brilliant article! I'm printing this one, and posting it in the library where all my inmates can see it (and...er...me too!)
on Feb 01, 2005
Wow, thanks man. I deliberated about posting this because it didn't seem cohesive enough to me. But then I thought 'what the fuck'. If at least one person gets something out of it, I'm happy.

Cheers mate,

Maso
on Feb 02, 2005
Great article.

I tend to get a bit out of control when I am stressed, so yes, I have used that stress excuse. I agree that losing control or allowing oneself to lose control would contribute to more stress. It's not so much as I feel that I have the right to blow up just because I am stressed but because that is the reason I've lost my grip. I have a temper problem. I think that certain people are better at coping with stress than others, and know better how to face it and deal with it. For myself, through talking to many people and sharing experience online or in real life, I'm just beginning to learn how to get a whole on things when things get difficult or stressful.

on Feb 02, 2005
we are drawn to repeating our mistakes. I believe this is because we haven’t learnt from them so we are caught in a ‘mistake loop’ until we get it right


That's profound. It reminds me of the film Groundhog Day. That bloke keeps repeating the same day, with the same selfish motivations and actions, until he experiences a day when he's compassionate and selfless. The moment he 'gets it right', his cycle comes to an end. I think that reflects our cycles of lives. We're down here for a purpose, to learn by our mistakes and to gain wisdom. Good post dynamaso.
on Feb 02, 2005
Excellent article Maso.

It is really disturbing the appalling behavior that some folks will exhibit and then act as if it is perfectly acceptable and even normal. Grown men literally throwing things across the room in a fashion my 5 year old would find embarassing. Yet they insist they are in control and acting like adults.

We all lose it at times. I know I have and will again. But the degree to which we lose it and the way we react once we realize we have are the keys to what kind of people we are and will become. Thanks for sharing this.
on Feb 02, 2005
Raven: thanks for the comments. I realised I didn't actually say I still have a problem with this, but I do. Believe it or not, I am guilty of road rage and pedestrian rage. There is just something about ignorant drivers in charge of speeding hunks of metal that makes me snap. I'm trying to get over it, but I have no doubt I will lose it again at some point in the future. Thanks for stopping by.

That's profound.


Andy: No one has ever said this about my ramblings. Thanks so much for your comments, mate. I really appreciate them. While I've seen the movie a number of times now, the Groundhog Day analogy never occured to me while writing this peice. Bill Murray rules...

BlueDev: As I said to Raven, I too know I will lose it again. I think the key is recognising why I'm losing it and making sure I'm not being petty. If there is one thing I can't abide, it is pettiness. Thanks again for your comments. And thanks to you all for bringing this thread back to life.

Cheers,

Maso

on Feb 02, 2005
I hope you have or will have kids (I don't know you that well yet) and you instill these things in them. Or godkids, or nieces/nephews. (I so badly want to say "Or pets" but I'm actually close to being serious, which is rare.)

Funny: I was just working on a piece (not a blog) where the key idea was, If you're stressed, go get a drink of water before saying/doing anything, and a story about how that saves a guy's life. That's generally what I do. If I didn't, I'd look like a fool, all sputtering and indignant-like. Selfish motives to make me look better 's all.

Well, anyway, good blog. It's always nice to have a sidebar full of intelligent people.

Cheers.

-A.
on Feb 03, 2005
Angloesque: thanks so much for your comments. My wife and I, while we love children, won't be having any of our own. Basically, we are both in our early 40's, are both still persuing our creative dreams and don't like the idea of being Autumn or Winter parents. We do, however, have a large brood of neices and nephews, who we adore. We spend as much time with them as we can, given they all live in a different state to where we are living. We also have a few (or should that be phew!) godkids. I don't know how hard it would be to rear children and I can't say whether I'd be able to keep my cool with them. I like to think that if I did have my own, I would be passing on this to them. Thanks again for stopping by.

Cheers,

Maso